Friday, August 04, 2006
eberythg jus happened so fast..den i reali dunchno wat to sae le..perhaps God's reali testing mi..testin us..but why ytd...?i didn't accept Christ jus ytd..nor did i overnite..i dunch understand..His mysterious ways..for one moment i'm so disappointed..and i jus could not bring muyself anywhr near Him..why shld i? i tot..after all tt had happened to mi..i asked..ain't i not faithful??for watever i tot of..it revolves around Him..comin up wif the prayers wif jere..on muy own will go approach ppl to teach mi to guide mi the proper ways to become his disciple..for i dunch wanna remain stagnant in muy relationship wif him..jus like any other r/s..nidda to grow..i pray..i tok to Him..tell him watever's on muy mind.. i tried so hard to fight bak muy tears..but in the end i'm stil here..tinkin of wat shld i do rite now..jere told mi to pray..told mi to be faithful to Him stil..i wondered..i did..but wat happened..i dunchno..i reali dunchno..it suddenly dawns upon mi..that perhaps i'm not reali suited to be wif jere afterall..reali..sumtimes i feel so stressed wif him..feel so meaniningless..feel so out of place..many thgs i kept mum..i tot it's okies..cuz i dunch wanna "make sumthg out of nth" like wat jere always tell mi..hai..dis time..i decided..jus live muy life..muy ordinary life..i'll be happier dis way..God..if i'm reali wrong in muy judgement..show mi a sign..whisper to muy ear...and lead mi back again..dis ish the first time eber do i felt so disappointed wif God..i noe i'm not suppose to..but dis ish how i reali feel..for the time being..i've stopped muy bible studies..i see no point in continuin after wat ever had happened..till den i hope..muy heart wil turn to Him once more and pray..it's hard.but we'll see.
o0..happy together..0o
8/04/2006 07:02:00 PM
